Rape should not have its own culture

Hello there. Recently I have been reading articles that have made me sad, angry, frustrated, and sick. One in particular is the story about Rehtaeh Parsons. Not to mention the Steubenville Rape Case!

People say it is all part of the rape culture. As if that is an excuse, like when people tell me that it is the way society is. Blah, Blah, Blah. The problem there is the fatalism that we can do nothing about it. That is not true. Society has changed many times over the course of human history – sometimes for the good and sometimes not. But the point is, CHANGE IS POSSIBLE. And I am calling for it.

Rape is never funny. Just because sexual intercourse can be a fun and enjoyable thing does not mean that it being forced on someone is also okay, fun and enjoyable – much as a UK official might have said/thought. A Tumblr*post, that I love, kinda creates the perfect answer to that scenario. *tublr post has questionable language so be aware!

Jokes only promote that it is okay to rape. I was very happy to hear the boys I was at the pub with the other night say that exact thing. The subject of rape came up when talking about pirates. And even the mention of if offended one of my male friends and he said “Don’t even joke. Rape is not funny and it is never okay. Don’t say something that could condone it, even if it isn’t what you mean.” He is absolutely right, and I am proud of him. What people don’t realise is that most people who rape, don’t know/recognise/consider what they are doing or have done as anything wrong. When people joke, those who do rape think – hey, these people are joking about it, they must all do what I do, it’s normal, rape is normal. Well, it’s not and its not okay!

Consentual sex is way more fun anyway – there you can experiment, see what really turns you on and gets you going. You can really get to know someone and get comfortable, which is different than boring. When both people are enjoying themselves the experience can have a deeper and better effect.

How to know if its rape: if the person said no, if the person has the inability to say no- whether unconscious or super drunk or out of their mind otherwise, if you have forced them – whether physically or emotionally. People can be raped with objects as well – if something is inserted in you without your consent in a sexual context – guess what, RAPE.

The sad fact is that people think that only if a girl is dragged into a back alley by some cartoon/movie villain and viciously assaulted is it Rape. But most cases of rape are by people we know and even trust – friends, family, significant others – etc. It is the people that you trust and know what makes you and when you are most vulnerable, then take advantage of you.

Authorities need to take more care in their processing and rapists of all shapes and forms NEED to be brought to JUSTICE! I don’t care if they were star quarterbacks, the greatest benefit giving and charity loving CEO, hell, the person could find a cure for cancer – they did something wrong and they need to be accountable for it, as well as show others that they will also be accountable!

Victim blaming – no one asks to have something forced upon them, and it is not their fault when it is. That is like if you go out and get mugged and stabbed. When you go home looking for help and support, people say well you were asking for it. You shouldn’t have been there at that time and it is your fault that you were stabbed and mugged. Does that sound right? NO. Does anyone say that? That person sure didn’t go out expecting to be stabbed or mugged and certainly not raped. Clothes are cloth and style, drinking can get out of hand occasionally, but neither are an invitation!

People say: this is the society that we live in…. Yeah? Well, guess what – society changes and evolves – medieval society, roman society, Vikings, Chinese dynasty society – are they still around or the same? Nope.

So time for a change. Parents need to educate their children young! Boys need to know that Girls are not toys or their personal playthings that they can use and abuse for their own sexual exploits, girls are human, they hurt, they bleed, and they love. Girls need to be taught that their own sexuality is just that… there own. No one is allowed to just take from them and if (god forbid) it does happen, it is not their fault and they should tell someone and seek further help.

But Rape is not just guy on girl – People need to know that what they feel inside, the happiness, the pain, the hunger, the envy – etc etc – other people feel that way. And no one ever is asking for trauma or hurt like that.

Everyone has the right to say no – and everyone should take that no seriously. Otherwise it is an act against basic human rights and is against the law!

If you have been a victim, here are some links that may help you:

UK/Wales: Rape Crisis Counselling
USA: RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network)
International: Find your local Rape Crisis Center

Treating tragedy as you should

Here we are at the end of the week. A week that started with fright and shock and sadness. The Boston marathon bombs. Yes, I am going to cover this.

Massachusetts is my home state. I grew up there and still consider it home. Hearing about this happening so close to home and where many friends are was a huge shock. I am happy to know that my friends and family are alright and feel sad and wish all the best to those injured and the families of those injured and lost. It is a sad occurrence.

The good things that have come out of this is the support Boston has gotten. And as the great Mr. Rodger’s said – look for the helpers, there will always be helpers. It is great to see people banding together in the time of need. Marathon runners who finished ran to hospitals to give blood. The good can overshadow the bad in the ways that people step up and do what is right.

However, the bad things that come from this are significant. First of all the news talking about foreign persons of interest. All I have been hearing is about a Saudi boy or other middle eastern people. Something bad happens and immediately the news and people go – the world is attacking us. Well, I hate to remind people of this, but the Oklahoma City Bomber was not foreign – the Unabomber was not foreign. Making bombs, even more sadly, is not a hard task if you know basic chemistry. As people may have noticed, with the tragedy in Waco, TX – fertiliser can be explosive.

Another bad thing that comes from all of this is that everyone is focused on the Boston Marathon bombs, and it is a serious situation, but people either don’t realise or forget that people all over the world are having to deal with that situation and sometimes so much more often. A Pakistani friend of mine was up in arms about how US drones are bombing Pakistani’s all the time and that was not being talked about or even worse, being changed/fixed.

Any tragedy is a tragedy and should not be lessened just because other things are happening. But each tragedy does need to be known and dealt with. Whether accidental or purposeful we need to take each tragedy as a turning point for change – change for safety, policies, etc.

Those are the helpers that we need. The ones there at the time are fabulous! Bless them and there hard work. But what the world needs now is the helpers that are there for the betterment of the world, there for change. Preventative care.

My thoughts and good wishes and hopes go out to all the people struggling with violence, pain, tragedy, poverty, starvation, sickness, etc. I hope that all other people’s are as well – but lets all remember that thoughts, prayers and all are not enough. Do what you can to lessen these things. We may not be able to do the huge things, start locally – donating, volunteering, etc. the more people do to help others and make the world a better place, the less likely tragedies will occur.

You can tell me to get off my magical hippy love cloud – but at least think about it.

you may not be able to change the world, but you can make a dent

– Sheldon Mopes (Edward Norton) Death to Smoochy.

You can find good people on the K2

(sorry about my hiatus again folks – life can be a busy place)

Anyway – I will be getting back to more serious notes later – for today I have to say that once again I was on my way to an appointment at Kingston Hospital, riding the K2. Last time, I saw a young lad taking an older gentleman, and albeit a possible stranger to the hospital. This time I was staring out the window and heard a couple of girls behind me at the back of the bus. It didn’t seem like anything until I heard one say “Hello? Yes, I am calling because I just found this phone on the floor. I wanted to let you know that I am taking it to the Police station. Kingston. I’ll be there in 15 mins. Okay, thank you.”

This girl just found a free phone on the ground. Could have kept it for herself – but instead she called a contact on the phone and alerted them to exactly where they could get it. It may seem like a small gesture, but it is still a kind one. Every little bit helps – and sometimes you don’t even realize how much it does help. We don’t know the circumstances of the owner – so it could be a huge deal.

Point is, I was very happy and surprised at this good deed and hope it spreads and leads to more good deeds.